50 Reasons Why I Don't Like Edward Cullen
by ViValix96
Summary: 50 reasons I could stand to see EC go up in flames. Yay.


**_A/N:_** _So, I actually wrote this a really long time ago, but I've decided to put it here for the entertainment value it has. A bit of a backstory is required, however. So, here goes: My friend and I have completely opposite sentiments about the whole 'Twilight' thing. So, to piss her off, I wrote this. She then followed up, and I replied, so on and so forth. BEFORE YOU READ, it's probably a good idea to do a bit of research on Vincent Valentine, Sesshoumaru, and the 'Naruto' series. If you don't feel like it, fine, but these people are referenced, and it'll be more fun knowing who's who, I assure. FYI: This isn't very nice language wise, so if 'bad words' offend, please spare me the comments. Thanks, and peace. XD (Right. Acyl is an OC I made up. She's dating Vincent.)_

Hey, guess what? My gandma told me to tell you that "I love Edward!".... she called, and that was the first thing she said. She's done the first book, so she's getting the second... she doesn't know why, but she loves him. I groaned, and I still hate him... well, not so much hate as don't see what everyone else is all hyped up about... Yeah, so that's what happened after you left.... I don't love Edward... my reasons:

1: OVER PROTECTIVE

2: ROBERT PATTENSON IS UGLY

3: I like Vincent and a whole bunch of other not-real guys, and I don't need to like another one

4: Bella might be fake, but I respect that he loves only her(note Vincent is single...)

5: He isn't real

6: Everyone else likes him... honestly, how would you feel if everyone was cruching on Itachi?

7: He's too much of a sap, and his english is a little too good for a 17 year old, no matter how long he's been that age

8: MY GRANDMA LOVES HIM(how gross is that?)

9: If I'm going to proclaim my love for anyone in a book, he's going to be perfect(Edward is apparently god, and god isn't perfect)

10: Here's what I like in a guy.... tall, thin, muscular, pale, dark hair, smart, funny and sexy. Edward doesn't have dark hair or a sense of humor... and he doesn't know the definition of sexy.

11: I wouldn't want a guy I like to like me because I tase good

12: If I liked him, that would mean we couldn't be friends(because we'd fight or something like that... I read it in a book once)

13: I already have a book-man... and you can't have him.

14: My book-man would be jealous

15: Vincent would be jealous(my alias is Acyl)

16: Hilary would never let e live it down

17: YOU would never let me live it down(even though I got you started on Kakashi, Turk-Vincent, and Itachi-never forget that)

18: Sesshoumaru is faster, smarter, and more eloquent

19: the C30 is a piece of shit car

20: If he really is a vampire, then he's already bitten someone else(I like my men fresh)

21: Because I don't

22: Stephanie made him, she's got first dibs(I'll bet her hubby looks like Edward)

23: I would never go to prom

24: I'd be more interested in Emmet(he, at least, is funny)

25: He wouldn't like me

26: If he did like me, I'd shoot him

27: He'd kill me if I shot him

28: Because I want this list to go on for ever

29: ....

30: Who wants the last name 'Cullen' anyway?

31: My book-man is alive

32: Edward is dead, deceasd, and I'll bet his organs are all rotted on the insode

33: Edward smells like flowers and sugar. What self-respecting guy smells like that?

34: He's the typical 'gorgeous-hero' type. Eyeck, he's one of millions. Have your pick.

35: I don't want to have some whore yell in my face when I'm trying to have a nice, peaceful walk through the park.(Video reference)

36: If touching the volvo is 3rd base, he must really not have a clue

37: He isn't even nice to Bella, how would he react if he could hear my thoughts?

38: I'd probably 'accidentally' set him on fire

39: I would do all and every thing in my power to piss him off, hence get myself sucked dry

40: I'll bet blood isn't the only thing he sucks

41: Because I know that you're going to save this and shove it in my face the day I say "oh, he isn't so bad, I guess"

42: Red hair and gold eyes = eeeewwwww, lean how to coordinate

43: there's nothing interesting about him. So he's lived forever, whoopti-freakin-doo

44: I would get bruises

45: Honestly, would you want to touch an ice-cube? You think MY hands are cold

46: He isn't worth it. If I burn the book, it'll be like he never existed

47: He thinks he's smart, and he really is clueless.

48: It's fun to slam on the world's favorite guy :)

49: Because... he still carries the spanish influenza, and has hepes, and mono, and menangitis, and pink eye, and fleas, and he's Alice's sister!

50: I respect myself too much to let myself be controled(even if it is willingly) by a male

Well, that's why I don't like him... there are more, I'm sure, but I want to get back to my own book-man.... maybe I'll introduce you to him... maybe not.


End file.
